19, absolutely.

I was originally going to go to my friend's house, but I couldn't because I lacked one ride there. What makes it worse was I couldn't go to her last event she invited me to and I told her I'd make it up at her next gig.

And then, my granny passed away this morning. She was put on hospice last year and I told myself I'd visit her at least one last time before she passed, but I never did... I feel really awful.

I keep making all these empty promises...

My bro's been awesome for making me feel better today, but other than that I'm feeling numb.

I'm hoping at least I can make it to the funeral, because then I'd go to California, and I've never been to one. I wouldn't know what to do there if I went though...I'd feel so out of place and the last place I want to be is one of more crying.

Granny, I'm going to miss you a lot...I thought about you and your voice, and how you introduced me to my favorite ice cream (butter pecan), and how you'd call me 'sugar'. I still have that necklace of shells you gave me, I remember when I thought that was the coolest thing, I still believe it is. I remember your 'hippie' van, that was so much fun riding around in. I love you, and you'll be in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm happy you're not in pain anymore. Rest in peace.